


Her Broken Hands

by deborah_judge



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-28
Updated: 2011-08-28
Packaged: 2017-10-23 04:05:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deborah_judge/pseuds/deborah_judge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leoben's POV on the <i>Maelstrom</i> dreams.  <i>It's a dream, it's not really him that she's embracing, but still he feels it. Yes, he thinks. Yes.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Broken Hands

It's not until after New Caprica that Leoben realizes that Kara's been dreaming about him all along. The visions come when they will, he can't control them, and it's not until he's back on the Basestar that he sees her moaning, thrashing, dreaming of him loving her. When he looks into the dream he sees the self that she's created, how he traps and grabs her, how he pushes himself against her, offers his body to her, until she takes it, takes him, surrenders herself completely to his love and her destiny. It's a dream, it's not really him that she's embracing, but still he feels it. Yes, he thinks. Yes.

God is loving, Leoben knows, but not generous and not kind. He's seen visions, he's always known Kara will one day love him, but he didn't know what form it would take or if it would ever bring him any joy. He knows the purposes for which his ancestors were created, he knows about the Cylon men and women made to be used for human needs, and sometimes he's wondered if Kara's love will be to him no more than this kind of use. When he sees her cry out for him in her dream, for the first time he knows with the certainty of belief that it will be something more.

In the weeks that follows he sees the dreams again. They're her dreams, not his, he has no control of them, but still he can feel her desire, her longing, the pleasure she takes as his dream-avatar moves in her. He learns to feel what this avatar would feel, to be present in it, and it's almost as if she's loving him when she pulls him close inside her. "Don't leave me," she whispers, and he wants to shout that he never will.

In the day, when he's awake, the Cylons are fighting. His sister Three thinks that the Five will lead them all to Earth. One still wants humanity destroyed. Six still imagines that there can be peace. Leoben has nothing to say, not since New Caprica. He had believed, then, that humans and Cylons could live at peace. He still believes that. He just doesn't know what peace is, or where to find it other than in dreams.

The dreams aren't his, but as the weeks pass Leoben learns to be in them. He's done it once before, walked through a dreamscape to reach out to the president and beg her to listen. It hadn't gone well, she had killed him anyway. This time it might be different. When Kara dreams of him next Leoben catches her hands, holds her off for a moment before letting her take him. It's only a moment, but it's enough for both of them to know he's there. There's something here she doesn't control. It arouses her, and she throws herself against him even more fiercely, until they're on the floor and he's on her and in her where he belongs. "I love you," she says, "I love you." And it sounds like it's true, and like she might be saying it to him. It makes him happier than he's been in his life.

Three doesn't understand how Leoben can be so attached to a human. How any of them can be. She knows, like he knows, the purposes for which they were created and used. She knows how little they value life, how many Cylon lives these humans began simply for the slight pleasure they would take in ending them. "How could you live with one?" she asks. "How could you love someone who could be so careless of your life?" She doesn't last long after that, One boxes her and there's nothing Leoben can do. Still, the question remains.

The next time they're dreaming he lets Kara hear the question. He thinks she'll hear it as a question about him, but instead she sees it as a vision of her mother. He follows her following him to her mother's deathbed. He sees the love that flows between them, through and around all the violence and pain, and he knows that he's the one she's chosen to witness this love. "All this has happened before," he says, "and will happen again." It's happening now. He feels the memory of Kara's body around him. He will love her all his life.

He shows the memory to his sister Six, shows her Kara's broken hands and her mother dying. "If the humans are our mother," she says, "they did worse to us than this."

"And we did worse to them," he says. "Trust has to start somewhere." He still feels Kara with him, and the dream, and all the words that she placed in his mouth and had him say. "Death isn't so frightening, once you embrace it," he says.

Six thinks for a moment. She's smarter than he is, he only sees visions, she can make connections he can't. "You believe we should destroy the resurrection ships," she says. "Become mortal like they are. Like the humans are. Like our parents are."

In the dream, Kara held her mother as she died. With death comes forgiveness, and a chance for the cycles to begin again. "I do," he says. Now that his sister has said it, now he begins to understand. He's willing to die, to be human like Kara and like the human parents who first made him. He's willing to love them, because he loves her. He thinks of his dream-self touching Kara's shoulder, caressing her awake, to rise and shine and face the work that's to be done. He feels awake now, like he hasn't since New Caprica. He and his sisters have so much work to do, but there is hope, and he knows with certainty now that despite everything, despite all the violence, Kara does love him. She's embraced him, like she touched her mother, with her broken hands.

But at night, when he reaches out for Kara, there are no more dreams.


End file.
